Getting it on(line)

And your consolation prize is....

2007-10-15T23:46:00.000-07:00

For me, it was a flat screen TV.

On a random night two summers ago, my flame at the time came over to watch a movie. However, the TV I had in my room was so old-school it didn't have a DVD hookup. My flame went to his place, picked up his TV and we watched our movie. Well, a couple weeks went by and our flame stopped sizzling and began to fizzle. But I kept his TV (and I had season one of "Nip/Tuck" but he eventually got that back). I had told him a couple times before we called it quits -- partly sarcastically -- that if he hurt me, I'd keep his TV. And that I did.

My roommate and I still really enjoy the nice picture we get when watching "Grey's Anatomy" or "Curb Your Enthusiasm" or our trashy reality TV shows on "my" TV.

Speaking of "Curb Your Enthusiasm," I also have seasons one, two and three that belonged to another ex. I'm still really good friends with him, so I imagine I'll give the sets back someday, but I'm just not ready to yet. I really appreciate him letting me hold on to them for so long because he is the reason my whole family and I got into this hilarious and awkward show. And whenever I have visitors, I make sure to turn on a couple episodes to get them hooked too.

And you can't forget about keeping some articles of clothing from exes. I have T-shirts, sweatshirts and warm-up pants.

But then there is the sentimental stuff you can't imagine throwing away. I have a box filled with ex-boyfriend memorabilia: movie tickets, basketball game tickets, concerts, comedy shows, all of our pictures, cards, notes, etc. Sure I don't look it at every day or even every month, but it's nice to know I have that stuff to remember all the good times. While those relationships show that we weren't winners in love, it doesn't mean we didn't win within ourselves. I learned about myself and others and grew as a person from each relationship as did my exes. And I hope my exes can think of me as fondly as I think of them and what we had. Being able to have these shared memories is better than any materialistic consolation prize I could get.

Tongue twisters

2007-09-26T23:01:00.000-07:00

I'm not nervous when talking in front of a crowd or with new people. But the "um"s, "uh"s and "yeah"s certainly come out with dirty talking. Many people get tongue tied when asked to "talk dirty" to their partners.

So, are there go-to phrases when talking dirty with your partner? How do you know what phrases your partner will like without the possibility of going too far? Personally, do you like the dirty talk? If so, what advice do you have for doing it?

One friend said to talk about what you want your partner to do with you. It will get both you and your partner in the mood for your next sex-capade.

Sometimes writing (or texting) the dirty talk is easier. I talked to some students this past week about their experiences with textual intercourse. You know, those flirty and dirty text messages you send or receive.

I think much of the pressure of not knowing what to say stems from your partner saying, "talk dirty to me." It may catch you off guard and it can make you have to think faster than you can when you are distracted by a specific act.

To keep it simple, say what you want your partner to do. Sometimes, you will even be so into the moment that you will say things and not even realize it.

Also, pay attention to what particular words your partner uses for the male and female body parts. Some words may cross the line or just turn your partner off. "Pussy" can be too much for some women. And using the correct terms, penis and vagina, don't really flow with the dialogue either.

But, much of this isn't universal, another friend said. It depends on what your partner likes and doesn't like.

You can never go wrong with saying what you like and what you are feeling. Giving encouragement means your partner will be more in tune with what you like, and there's nothing wrong with that.

Getting online instead of getting off

2007-09-20T14:55:00.000-07:00

People are OK with going a week without sex. But going a week without the Internet is the real test of addiction. There is something seriously wrong with this.

A survey released yesterday said Americans are not in the mood for being social (including having sex and spending time with friends) in exchange of satisfying other addictions: to the Internet, cell phones and TV, according to Reuters.

Almost half of the more than 1,000 respondents said they felt something was missing in their life if they weren't able to get online or have their cell phones readily available.

This even reaches our community in Chico and at Chico State. Ashley Marshall, an Orion staff writer, found that our use of cell phones limits our abilities to socialize in the ways we did before the big technology advances.

During my 14-block walk to and from school, texting and talking on the phone make the walk go by faster. But it distracts me from being able to have face-to-face conversations just by running into a friend during the walks.

And while I'll ask people to wait for me just so I can check my Gmail, I could never imagine not being in the mood for sex because I was using that energy being online. I check my email, MySpace and news Web site multiply times a day. But I could never allow it to get in the way of my sex life. Come on people, get offline and start getting off!

Let your computer control your hard drive, not your sex drive. Trust me, the outcome will be much better than seeing what messages, comments and new friends requests you have on MySpace.

The birds and the bees and the flowers and the trees

2007-09-14T17:12:00.000-07:00

I never heard the story of "the birds and the bees." And I'm glad. My mom was honest with me. She explained in natural, human terms what it was when I was 7 years old. No metaphors, no analogies, no animal connections, just straight forward talk.

I remember being told what sex was one night after leaving a cheerleading practice. One girl's mother complained that our dance moves were "too sexy." I asked my mom what "sexy" meant and that conversation moved into the discussion of sex.

When I was in 7th grade, many classmates always laughed about one of the benches on our campus, it was bench number 69. My classmates always wanted to sit there with their crushes. So when I got home, I asked my mom what 69 meant. She was honest about that too.

And look how it affected me. Now I'm a sex columnist.

So, while I was writing my next column (to be published Wednesday), I decided to Google "the birds and the bees." While I don't enjoy citing Wikipedia, it was one of the few Web sites that explained what the birds and the bees do.

Apparently the bee stings the bird. And the bird becomes pregnant. With a birdbee...? Thank goodness a hybrid of a bird and bee doesn't actually exist because I would hate an animal that can sting us and poop on cars. Not a good combination.

Do you remember first learning about sex? Did you get the stork story? The birds and the bees? Or honesty? What do you think is the best way to explain sex?

I think honesty is the best option. While a child may be too young to really grasp the concept, there are better ways to simplify the discussion. No metaphors, analogies or animal references need to be used.

Getting inside-r information

2007-09-11T21:51:00.000-07:00

I'm proud to be the sex columnist. Any of my friends will tell you that some of my confidence comes from being able to say what my position is at The Orion.

And when I meet new people, either my friends or I casually bring up my job. But I never expected telling people my job would elicit the stories I heard this summer.

One night at Joe's Bar, I saw an acquaintance. We hadn't seen each other in months, so we made the awkward small talk. As usual, it came up that I would be writing a sex column for The Orion this fall. So, my pseudo-friend, thanks to some liquid courage, told me how he lost his virginity (it was in the bed of a truck his senior year of high school). After that night, I knew our relationship had moved past friendship into the "TMI" area (TMI means too much information).

I have no problems or reservations when it comes to talking about any aspect of sex (Thanks for being honest about it, Mom!), but hearing this story made me think about what other experiences people would feel comfortable telling me. I'm beyond OK with this honesty because I'm getting more material for blogs and column topics and I want to make sure I'm satisfying my readers.

Although, even before starting my sex column, I was the go-to gal for sex/dating/relationship advice (or, at least a good set of ears) for my friends when they needed advice on related issues. A few semesters back, a couple friends told me that their respective former flames told my friends they were the inspiration for stimulation for these men, if you know what I mean. TMI, exactly!

Well, going along with that general theme, my best friend and I were enjoying a summer night at Riley's when an attractive man approached us. We made the casual small talk, again the sex column was mentioned (this time by my best friend!) and the man pulled out his new iPhone (show-off) and demanded I show him a column. He read my column from The Orion's summer issue and shortly after, gasps. I think it's about the column. He tells me he has something hilarious to tell me. I prepare to laugh.

"My roommate jacks off to your picture," he said.

Eyes bulging from our heads cartoon-style, our mouths dropped, we are stunned. *Ahem* "WHAT?!?!"

Did we hear him correctly? I cleared my throat. "Excuse me?" I ask, somewhat skeptical.

"Yeah, he said it's something about the scarf," he said.

This was not hilarious and I didn't laugh. I'm still stunned about it and I find it hard to believe as well. How's a woman supposed to react to that besides being thoroughly creeped out? And with everything that is available online to use for such personal satisfaction, my Orion mugshot does it for some guy. What I find even more concerning is that this guy's roommates know what he uses to get said satisfaction. This is TMI at it's greatest.

Now, I'm sure this is where the line should be drawn on what is fair game for discussion. I really do appreciate hearing from you, whether it be a story, personal experience, question, comment or criticism. So, if you have something you'd like to share, please email me! It can stay just between us or, with your permission, I will use the general topic for an up-coming blog post or column topic.

mtvU's Sex Cred with Dr. Ruth

2007-09-09T20:56:00.000-07:00

During the summer, I applied to be a student correspondent for a new show mtvU, MTV's 24-hour college network, wanted to premiere this fall. The show, "Sex Cred with Dr. Ruth" was going to address issues about sex and the college student, along with answering questions we college students had.

So, after submitting my bio, some pictures and columns, I was asked to mail a10-minute film segment of me talking about my experiences as a columnist and sex issues at Chico State.

After that, I waited to hear back. And now, the first episode of "Sex Cred with Dr. Ruth" has premiered and is available online. The show premiered Sept. 3 and I watched it Sept. 5. The biggest shock of watching the first episode was seeing my picture and The Orion logo flash across the screen after pictures of students from Northwestern and Harvard.

I haven't heard any of the details about the show and it's up-coming episodes, but I'm stoked to be a part of something that will be useful to so many -- you just gotta watch it though! And Dr. Ruth is such an inspiration and if she is part of this project, well, I just know it's going to be good.

I hope you enjoyed the first episode and let me know what you think of it. And if you have questions, go ahead and ask Dr. Ruth. You could have your question answered on the next episode!

Using a line, not hooking the bait

2007-09-04T21:19:00.000-07:00

I can't imagine a situation where a pickup line other than "Hello" actually works. I have a personal bank of bad and cheesy pickup lines (my favorite: "Is that a keg in your back pocket? Because I want to tap that ass!") and I enjoy saying them around friends strictly for entertainment purposes. But we are at an age where anyone who uses pickup lines as a form of hitting on someone just can't be taken seriously. I want to know what motivates someone to say these sleazy comments and expects them to work. What have been your best and worst experiences with pickup lines?

Last week, I was walking home and a male student walking toward me said, "You walk nice." I just smiled and kept on trekking. Of course, thanks for the compliment, although it was rather random. And I admit that when I got home, I told my roommate right away because it was something I'd never heard before. But I knew we'd both laugh about it as well. I mean, who says this? And is it just a guy saying something nice? And what is the appropriate reaction to give?

I tend to ignore the comments if they make me feel uncomfortable. And while I feel a bit rude for ignoring anyone who says something somewhat sleazy to me, my attitude is justified because a woman does not want to hear raunchy comments no matter where she is or what she is doing. What is it going to take for the pickup line users to get the point that these "icebreakers" are not going to make us women become panty-droppers in just minutes?

So, stop using lines that have any sort of bad pun or are overtly sexual. If a woman or man wants to talk to you as well, a simple "Hello" will work. And I'm yet to say the simple word to my cute classmate. I'll see again in class Thursday, so I'll use your advice and let you know if he says it back.

Class crushes

2007-08-29T09:53:00.000-07:00

By now, the majority of us have gone to all of our classes. And since it's the first week of school, I'm sure we all scoped out the hotties we hope to continue to see each week.

I noticed one or two good looking lads in one of my classes. But it's somewhat awkward to really make friends, let alone start a relationship, in your classes. Although getting assigned in groups for projects always makes it easier to ask for phone numbers and their availability.

The only people I knew when I transferred to Chico State after three semesters at San Diego State (I'm now in my sixth semester) were my brother and my three roommates, which were more his friends than mine anyways. Feeling nervous and shy, I was bummed the first few weeks of school because I didn't have a core group of friends yet. Plus, the random people I did meet had made all their friends in the dorms the year before -- something I had done at San Diego State, but it wasn't helping me now. My parents kept telling me to meet people in my classes, but it's not so easy.

Many people aren't in the friend making zone while in class, so it's hard to strike up a good conversation that doesn't involve the weather, homework or reading for that class and/or what you think of the instructor. I realized if I sat next to people I wanted to know and made small talk each class session, some bonds could come of it. And when I got a random invitation to a party and my roommate couldn't go, I decided to invite the classmate I sat with and talked to. We had a great time out that night and she invited me to hang out with her roommates/friends the next weekend. And then, a few weeks later, they asked me to move into their house for the following year.

So, if you make the effort to talk to someone, a relationship can come from it. But you have to be willing to see that it won't be an instant friendship.

Now, my question is, can I apply this same method to getting to know the cute guy who sits a couple seats behind me? Is it too obvious to sit a little closer? What's the best way to strike up a conversation before class starts (that excludes the aforementioned topics)? Have you or anyone you know dated someone who was in your class? What were the pros and cons of it?

Well, I'd like to hear about your experiences, so make sure you create an account with Blogger and leave comments. Thanks! And I'll let you know if anything happens with the handsome guy in my class.

The beginning of a relationship...

2007-08-27T18:13:00.001-07:00

I need your help.

As The Orion's sex columnist this semester, I wanted to create this blog so that we (me and you, my readers!) would be able to have open conversations related to sex at Chico State. That means I need you, as a student at Chico State, to help me know what is going on with your sex and/or dating life. I want to hear all about your experiences. And I can tell you about mine. So feel free to do the following:

If you have any questions, please ask. We will answer.
If you have advice, please give it. We all need many perspectives to our dilemmas.
When I ask questions, please answer. I may write about sex at Chico State, but I'm not an expert.
If you have a column topic, let me know. I want to write columns that I know will be helpful and interesting to you.

So, as for now, enjoy my first column that comes out Wednesday. Then leave your comments on The Orion Web site or come talk to me here. I'll be around and I look forward to hearing your thoughts, comments and questions.